a new one lately
"referencing a cult"
I'm going to show you why you need to choose your words more carefully.
I was raised in a family that belonged to a religious organization that was so strict, that it made 'normal life' unlivable in North America.
They were something along the lines of "bible thumping Baptists" but more strict and something more in the vein of Mennonites, only unlike Mennonites, we were allowed to use technical devices like cars and appliances (most Mennonite factions don't allow this) and unlike Mennonites, we allowed to wear 'normal' clothing like jeans for the boys and skirts for the girls. If you attended church, it HAD to be a suit or a dress.
There was no dating or sex allowed before marriage.
Men and women had to sit separately in church. No exceptions.
Most families went to church 5 days a week. Once for midweek services, once for Saturday evening services and 3 times on Sunday. Church was a priority.
Nobody was allowed to go to movie theaters, concerts or sporting events. It was against the rules. These were 'worldly' things that would ruin your children.
Some parents didn't even allow their children to play any sports (yes, you are reading this correctly - not even in school - my grandfather told me all sports were forbidden once when I tried to kick a soccer ball on the back lawn), watch television or read anything outside of church ordained material (comic books were definitely a no-no).
And while the entire organization tried to maintain a strict code of conduct the entire organization was rife with substance abuse, relationship abuse and possibly even sexual abuse (I've heard stories but haven't seen proof).
We were the black sheet of our neighborhood in Canada. Everyone within miles knew about us. We were always looked at funny, we were dressed funny (no cool clothes allowed), and it's why I was beaten and bullied so badly growing up.
This upbringing ruined my chances at a normal childhood.
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My family were not only from this organization, they were from Europe so because of that, my dad never did adapt well to raising children in North America.
My dad started drinking because his uncles used to get him and his brothers drunk as children to watch them stumble around. He was truly a lifelong alcoholic until the age of 40 when he got liver disease and had to stop drinking out of necessity.
My dad used to beat us drunk because his religion taught him that but when he was forced to be sober, I think he became even more angry. He tried to force us into 'church like' behavior through punishments and scoldings.
My dad used to show up at our high school and quite literally would stick his head in our classes to make sure we were in class. It was horrific to be a teenager in my family.
I used to hide my rock T shirts in my school locker and only wear them at school, and then change out of them before I went home.
My dad once caught me at a summer party down the street from our home. I was 17 and with a girl I had a really big crush on.
He showed up at the party, embarrassed me in front of everyone and took me home. I never saw that girl again.
I basically lived in fear my entire teenage years, terrified of being embarrassed by my family.
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Because my dad was brought up this way, he was damaged by lifelong trauma and this sort of upbringing brought all of this unspeakable trauma upon us as well.
Because of my dad's alcoholism, he needed a liver transplant. In May 2004 he passed away after never recovering from a liver transplant. I was the last person to have his attention before he died.
My marriage broke two weeks after my dad died. It was directly related to the church and the passing of my dad. I'm still very close friends with the mother of my children, BTW. We're tighter than ever.
My oldest sister Jasmine made multiple attempts to take her own life and finally succeeded 6 months after my dad died in Nov 2004. She jumped off the Ambassador Bridge over the Detroit River (she lived in Detroit and her husband was a prominent engineer at GM). She left behind 4 children. They didn't find her body until the following spring, 2005 during the spring thaw. It washed up down river.
My kids barely remember her funeral or my dad.
My baby sister tried to commit suicide the same way a little over a decade ago, only she didn't pick a tall enough bridge so instead of killing herself, she just maimed herself permanently and now lives with disability. She jumped into a roadway. Thankfully no cars hit her.
My only brother lives in the streets. I personally disavowed him after he threatened my children after trying to extort me for money. He still lives in the streets. I spoke to my mom yesterday and she wishes she would hear from him. The last time she heard from him was to help him with gout and dental problems because my brother was homeless.
That is 4 broken lives out of the 10 of us in this family. You could argue that my mom is the 5th broken life, because she has never been the same person since my dad died and even before that, the brainwashing prevented her from being the woman she could have been.
I remember her when she was young. She was such a beautiful woman. She was an incredible singer and had a heart of gold. My dad's bad habits and the church's teachings instilled a lot of bitterness in my mom.
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I ended up deciding around the age of 30 that this organization wasn't for me and I didn't want to raise my children in it. I started to focus on bringing homeless people to church as a distraction, or spending time with them in the streets instead of going to church.
All that did is alienate me even more because all the people in the religious cult were worried about, was me going to church regularly. Not the fact that I was bringing scores of people off the streets looking for help.
Around the age of 34, my marriage broke down, and 2 weeks after my dad died I moved out of the house. It was sad for my children, but it would have been much worse if I'd stayed. The toxicity of the church created all sorts of toxicity in my personal relationship.
I believe I never would have had the great relationship I have with my kids now, if I'd stayed in the church or in my previous relationship.
So you can see that I'm not afraid to make tough decisions.
I spent the next 20 years healing from my traumatic childhood, the drinking and substance abuse from trying to medicate those traumas, and trying to undo the damage done to my family and my kids.
I can now wholeheartedly say that this is all in the past. I have spent many years and much effort treating myself, counselling myself, healing myself and rebuilding myself.
I've never had a better relationship with the people in my life. My kids are my best friends.
The things you people say about me, nobody in my personal life who knows me personally would ever say.
In fact, when I tell them some of the stuff you people say it makes them angry, because they have no idea what you people are talking about.
I've always had a generous spirit. It's how people who know me well remember me, and I have spent many of my days helping others. Ever since I've managed to heal myself, I've spent most of my spare time trying to help others.
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My baby sister, who tried to commit suicide over a decade ago has been a central focus of my life for some time now. I do genuinely believe that my parents have created a lot of the mental illness that she has to deal with.
She's 38 now, has gone through a lifetime of mental illness, substance abuse issues and relationship abuse. She has been in and out of rehab more times that I can count. She's been in and out of mental health institutions. She even lived in a hospital for a while.
Recently, she has genuinely turned a corner. She has become more self sufficient. She has realized that there are long reaching consequences to her actions and that having a bottle of vodka on a weekend is probably going to ruin the rest of her week, so she has backed off on drinking all on her own without anyone pressuring her. She has enrolled back in school to get her high school diploma and she even works out 3 times a week now. Something she has never done in her lifetime.
She recently told me, and I didn't even realize this, that I've been working with her for almost 4 years with sometimes daily counselling. I had no idea it was that long.
She called me a "miracle worker" saying I have been able to help her to something all the doctors and rehab in the world couldn't do for her. She attributes all of her success to me and nobody else.
This has been extremely difficult for me to do, not because I mind, but because I have had to coach my sister to push back against my mom, while at the same time trying to coach my mom into not smothering my sister and adding to her mental illness, WHILE THEY LIVE TOGETHER.
So it's been a real test of everyone's patience, but thank God we have ALL made progress in ways that I thought was impossible.
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This is the reason I was so against the pandemic lockdowns. The lockdowns were absolutely devastating to the mentally ill, those with substance abuse and relationship abuse issues.
Unfortunately, everyone else could only think of themselves.
And when I pushed back against the lockdowns, people like namisgr and tth2 openly mocked me stating that the only reasons I didn't want to lock down was so that I could go to the bar and have fun.
Why am I spelling all this out for you?
Because I think you need to understand that when you go mocking people based on what you think you know, you genuinely have NO idea what you're talking about and in fact, you could be doing serious harm to someone without realizing it.
I'm genuinely fine. I've recovered from my past, have never felt more peaceful, or happy, or joyful. I wake up every day and I have tears in my eyes from sheer joy. I'm grateful for every day. I've never had a better relationship with the people close to me and I've never had more time to do things for other people, and because of that my life has never been more fulfilling.
I genuinely haven't had a bad day in years.
So, if you or anyone thinks that making fun of me is going to make me change my mind or alter my course, you're going to have to accept that I've genuinely stared death down with both barrels in my face and it didn't even faze me, let alone slow me down. It's only made me stronger, and so certainly a bunch of clown avatars on the internet are not going to change my mind about anything.
If you want to change my mind, you're going to have to grow a pair of gonads, put in the work and use your intellect, logic and reason to convince me, because anything short of that is not going to get a blip on my radar.
Have a good day.